Dec 9th

Long day cut short... Joey stayed up all night again and I wake up to him in the bathroom with his cell phone saying he was taken a shit. I don't know what to believe anymore because to be honest he has lied to me multiple times.

My stupid ass loves him so much though. I am temped to try and get on the Divorce court before the vows... because to be honest I need professional help. I want to know if this thing Joey and I is worth fighting for in the end.

To be honest I am just a lost girl in this world right now with everything that is going on. I been smoking more now yet again because of all the stress involved with it all. He's just not the man I fell in love with almost 2years ago.

Awhile ago he told me "I don't know if I still love you anymore" which broke me. He dated another chick and slept with her when we took a break and thought it was fine but when I tried to move on he called me at 3am when I was asked out and went to spend a few weeks in another state with the guy at his house.

Joey flipped on me that morning and acted as though all his choices were okay but if I did them then I was wrong. I just don't know anymore if this is worth fighting for anymore... and as time passes I am seeing more of the bull shit that has been happening. I am really stressed and I am not to be stressed for my health wise. I just don't know anymore... and I barely can't feel anything anymore either... I'm lost. Weird... I never felt this way before.